A pondering stare, a wondering gaze
Upon the empty container that he sees
The ink lies in peace, the pen for countless days
A whisper of snow, or a lark in the blossoming cherry trees.
And the worlds sprawl across the parchment
A testament to a bard's effort in thought
Words among worlds, the depths of the mind sent
Teaching what his fervent mind has wrought.
They flow in a many-winged harmony
The pen their only guide for truth and form
The light, the sound, the scent of tea
Until the fevered scratchings become warm.
And as the sun rises upon the drying ink
The blotted page tinged with the morning colors
A gentle yellow, the tender, dewy-rosebud pink
They return for a wink, the eternally-present wonder.
________________________
Hee. XD IF you have seen my poetry, you should know I hold a certain fondness for writing poetry about writing poetry. This one seems a little cut short ^_^U but I have to get off, so I'll stop gabbering.
^_^
~Sumi
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
I agree with Foreseer. It calmed me down.
Interesting poem.
I agree with Alainna on that one; it should be "worlds among words."
I liked the words; all the W's made it calming and swirly and pretty. That said, things seem to be wandering all over the place, held together only by the theme of writing about writing. For example, the image of "They flow in a many-winged harmony" might be cool if you expanded it into other parts of the poem, the idea of little words that fly, or something. Right now, it almost seems as though it's begun and ended almost randomly. I'm also confused as to what the "they" in the last line refers to?
SUMI!!! Here is your crit!
Overall, this was a good, calming piece of poetry that had flow, but not much structure. I like the fact that you write poetry about writing poetry- it works well.
I'm not quite sure why these lines are separate. They work well as a stanza and if you want to create emphasis then I suggest you put the first line on it's own and the rest in a stanza. Then you could perhaps put the last line of the poem 'They return for a wink, the eternally-present wonder' on it's own at the end. This could improve the pace of the poem.
Makes complete sense as it is, but for some reason made me want to swap 'words' and 'worlds' round so it read as:
Worlds among words I have no idea why and you probably wouldn't want to change that....
I loved this stanza. The imagery was great and it was just....beautiful.
Great stuff Sumi and I think I'll look for more!!!
Keep it up,
Alainna
xxx
For some reason this poem calmed me down and relaxed me. I don't know if it's supposed to do that.
I liked the way you used the words and arranged them. Is the third and fourth line suppose to be like that, seperated, I mean? I really liked the last stanza. Anyway, nice work.
*~*Foreseer*~*